It’s a Done Deal… August 2, 2011

Well I did it.  I played around with this blog for a bit and in the end I decided I just needed a fresh start.  SO I GOT ONE.  It’s still developing (I have great plans but never enough time to execute them all at once!) but it’s there.  My new blog. 

All future posts will be there.  You’re going to find posts that vary in nature from serious to funny with topics ranging from life with GOd to parenting stuff to relationships to…well, you get the picture.  But while the content may vary in nature one thing will ALWAYS be true of it.  Whatever I write is going to be real.  It’s going to be raw at times.  There may be times when it might make a person a little uncomfortable, forcing a hard look at self.  It’s going to be me. 

I’m excited about this fresh start.  Like so much in my life lately it’s time.  I’m moving on.  I’m fully embracing this life of mine and rejoicing in all that lays before me.  It’s exciting.  It’s also scary.  But it’s awesome!!

SO…COME JOIN THE JOURNEY!!!  I’m Sassy and I’m serious.  I am SERIOUSLY SASSY!  See you there!!!

 

Change is A-Comin’… July 27, 2011

Ever find yourself getting restless and needing a change of scenery? Or find that something that was working for you for a while is no longer working so well or just isn’t “you” anymore? Or find that your focus, your purpose for doing something has shifted and therefore how you do things needs to change?

 

This is where I find myself when I think about my blog. I don’t like the format. I am okay with the content but I want to go in a different direction, be more purposeful about what I write and why. I have undergone some huge shifts in my heart and head over the last year and am moving forward in my life but feel like the format and style and stuff of this blog is restricting that forward movement in terms of my writing and stuff. I’m not sure what I am going to do about it.

I may just completely revamp the look and feel of this blog. I may just scrap it all and start new. I am still pondering and working through all of that. Either way change is comin’…..and it’s gonna be good!

STUFF THAT’S MADE ME GO “HMMM” July 26, 2011

It’s been a little while since I posted anything and I’d like to say it was because I was busy doing important and seriously significant things but really? It’s been because I have been moving, entertaining people, driving back and forth to town a million times a week, going to sleep late and waking early and quite frankly I am just far too exhausted at the end of the day, and too busy in the middle to be able to put any of my more recent thoughts down on paper. THIS IS GOING TO CHANGE. It has to. It’s even showing up in my relationships lately – they are all being conducted in “talk fast, I haven’t got much time” mode. Even with God….and of all those I am in relationship with, HE deserves the best of me and my time, instead of the “God I really love you and I miss spending time with you. Let’s make a date for tomorrow sometime” prayers as I fall into bed barely able to keep my eyes open to turn out the light.

 

Okay so things aren’t quite as bad as that….I am, in my hormonal and tired state, exaggerating a little bit. I’ve been connecting with God and with others in a variety of ways throughout my day and weeks lately. Just not quite in the same purposeful, quiet, uninterrupted way I would really like to be connecting – I am just BUSY. And as a result I am getting tired. So beginning tonight I am going to head to bed at a decent time, I am going to spend a good chunk of time before bed hanging out with God (not sure how that time will be spent or what we’ll communicate about but nevertheless, it’s happening! I have a date with God!), I am going to have a bonfire with my kids, and we’re just going to chill out. And the rest of the week and any down time I have (time not spent at work) is going to be with the goal of coming away from each day rested and connected…with my family, my friends and God.

 

That all said, there have been, over the last 2 ½ weeks, 3 weeks, a few things that I have read or discovered that I have been meaning to share and I thought I would take a short break from my work to do that. So here are a few things you should go check out….some are funny, some are serious. Some will probably not change your world. Others might. Let me know what your thoughts are on any of these things below….I’m curious to know what others think about the things that have me going “hmmmm”.

 

Whatever Did I do BEFORE I had Kids??? This isn’t a question I ask myself a lot…don’t have time…and when I read this post by Pete Wilson (Thanks Pete for making me think about it!) I initially started thinking about all the things that were “better” about life before kids. But as I thought about it, I started to realize all the things I was missing when in that life before kids I had. I think I may even write a blog post devoted ot just that…in honor of my kids. In the meantime, read and enjoy…check out the comments!

 

WHAT IS YOUR STORY?? I forget sometimes that my life, my story, whatever part of it, is meant to be shared, to be talked about, to be told. It connects me to people. It is me and people can’t know me and really connect with me if they don’t know me. I read this post today and it’s encouraging me to keep on telling my story….wherever and whenever. You never know who might be needing to hear it or be connected with it.

 

I’ve had a few dreams die in the last few years and have, at times, found myself clinging desperately to them because I haven’t given myself permission to let go and dream new dreams. Seems so simple…but as you’ll read in this post by Mandy at A DEEPER STORY sometimes the hardest part of dreaming is learning to let go of the old dream and live new ones.

 

By the way…check out the last few posts at A DEEPER STORY! They’ve all been really great!!

 

Are you wrecked by Truth? This was a great thought provoking post by Max Dubinsky. You should also check out Laruen’s blog, she’s Max’s fiancé and writes for her own blog as well as for others (links to her most recent guest posts are on her page).

 

Okay I could link up a bunch of others but I’ll leave it at that for now…I’ll save the others for another day! Oh but if you like satire you should check out Jon Acuff’s blog “STUFF CHRISTIANS LIKE“! Makes me laugh!

 

Okay. Back to work for me.

WAITING ROOM…PART DEUX July 6, 2011

I was thinking last night, after posting my last post, about WHY there has been pain and why the waiting has been hard. A friend of mine, Jason Gordon of jasongordon(dot)org commented on that post saying “Sounds like there might be a hint of finding your identity in someone or something else than Christ. ” He was referring in part to his own blog post from the previous day (and today)…and it got me thinking even more about all of this.

 

I know at times it is easy to find our identity in others or in our job titles or our financial status or our physical beauty or….the list goes on…rather than in Christ. And Jason makes a valid point – am I making my life all about whatever it is I am waiting for and allowing that to define me or am I finding my definition in Christ? My response to that is it’s not necessarily an identity “problem” that has caused the pain and the sorrow in my heart that has made for hard waiting. In fact I think it has far more to do with the fact that we are created for relationship. God has created us with that desire and whenever the relationships around us are in a state of turmoil or conflict, when there is a break in relationship, for whatever reason, that causes pain and heartache. It isn’t supposed to be like that. God didn’t create us to be okay with that. He created us with a desire for relationships to be right and healthy. The impatience that I feel, the heartache that I have felt (and still do feel), the sadness and the frustration stems not from a need to get my identity sorted out but from a desire to see things restored, to be right, to be healthy and functioning and whole…and yet there is not a darn thing I can do to make that happen. It is out of my hands. BUT….

 

While my hands may be tied and I may be required to be patient and wait that does not mean life ends. To quote myself “Learning to live a full life while stuck in this state of waiting is almost harder than the waiting itself. No matter what I do, no matter how much joy I may find in the tasks and opportunities I encounter, there is always something overshadowing those things. Something just isn’t right. No matter how hard I try to live like that is not the case, the truth of the matter is there is something out of sorts. It is hard to live with that.” I must admit I haven’t done the greatest job, at times, of living life despite the shadow. I have allowed it to color my mood or my attitude. I have failed miserably at times and in that I have allowed it to define me. I have found myself hesitating to make plans for the future because I don’t know how things are going to be resolved…and what if those plans don’t fit in with how things resolve or get in the way of that? What if…and so instead of doing something I have done nothing. But that is not how God wants me to live. He doesn’t want me to just be patient and wait and allow him to work things out in this area of my life in his timing and his way….he wants me to go on living life while I am doing that.

 

Max Dubinsky writes in his latest post MAKE IT MAD – WHAT I AM NOT WRITING ABOUT TODAY that “Life is meant for two things. 1.) Life is meant to be lived. With great risk, with great joy, with great love. 2.) And if we have life, we are meant to glorify God with it.” And he’s right. I HAVE LIFE. Yes, I have times when I am hurting, when the waiting seems to be more than I can do, when the heartache is bigger than I can deal with but that doesn’t mean I stop living and glorifying God with my life. As soon as waiting becomes a reason not to do things that I feel He is leading me to do, I am finding my identity in that – I am the “waiter”. I am she who waits. BUT I AM NOT “SHE WHO WAITS”! I am me – full of life and love and joy! When I find myself slogging away, I need only to look up and see God reaching down a hand to help me along the way. If I reach for it and allow him to pull me up, in that moment, the journey becomes pleasant again. The physical, and spiritual, position that we take when slogging is head-down and shoulders bent. All we can see is the road directly under our feet. We aren’t seeing any of the beauty around us. We are focused on just getting down the road…forgetting that there is joy in the journey, not just in arriving at our destination.

 

So. Waiting. It’s hard. I suck at it. BUT GOD is far more capable than I will ever be and He’s just waiting for me to look up, reach up and allow Him to help me down the road. He is my source of patience and endurance and perseverance. I posted last night with a heavy heart but…

“The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
      His mercies never cease.
 Great is his faithfulness;
      his mercies begin afresh each morning.
 I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
      therefore, I will hope in him!

The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
      to those who search for him.
 So it is good to wait quietly
      for salvation from the Lord.” – Lamentations 3:22-26 (NLT)

 

I woke up this morning with this in my mind…and you know what? I still don’t see the top of the mountain but that’s okay. I don’t need to. I need to be looking around right where I am RIGHT NOW and living life and bringing glory to God with my life RIGHT NOW RIGHT HERE. I don’t have to just sit and wait….I can be actively living my life as I wait for whatever is going to come. I can be and I should be. And the hope, the glimmer of green, the hints of color I long to see? Why they are right here, all around me, in my friends, my children, my family, my work, my LIFE. Is waiting easy? No. No it’s not (I think we’ve established that!). But there is good in the waiting….and God is using it to bring me to greater dependency on Him, teaching me that His ways really are better and wiser than mine, His timing impeccable. He is good to those who depend on him and search for him…and so I will wait quietly ON HIM. Because ultimately, even though the waiting will come to an end through the actions and decisions of another person, ultimately it is GOD who will move and guide and direct them and so I’m not waiting on people. I am waiting on HIM! And there is joy, peace, and hope in that waiting….

WAITING ROOM July 6, 2011

I HATE WAITING. At least I hate waiting when the waiting is indefinite; when it appears like there is no end to the waiting. When the waiting is completely dependent on the actions and decisions of others, actions and decisions you have no influence or sway over and you are simply stuck in a place of perpetual unknowing, unable to move forward, backwards or sideways with anything.

This is where I find myself right now. I am waiting. I am waiting to see what happens, trying to do so patiently, but this waiting is not the kind that is just inconvenient. No. This waiting carries with it a certain burden of pain, of heartache and sorrow. A desire to see a change in circumstances that I cannot, no matter what I do, make happen. Waiting like this is not something I do well. In fact it is testing my abilities to endure, to persevere, to trust in God to a degree that has me feeling like I am trudging up a never ending mountain. It has me feeling dejected, frustrated and heartbroken as I come around a bend thinking maybe around THIS bend there will be a change only to find that the mountain continues on ever higher, the end no where in sight. It has me feeling like, some days, laying down and giving up. It’s like I am in a perpetual winter, looking for spring, longing to see even a hint of green on the trees lying dormant, a splash of color through the snow, and thinking maybe that was one…only it wasn’t. Or if it was, it’s gone now. Waiting like this is the hardest kind of waiting.

This waiting also brings with it frustration. A special kind of frustration. Frustration that there is nothing I can do to change things. Frustration that I am waiting for someone else to take the steps necessary for there to be change. Frustration in knowing that in all likelihood that person is going around and around in their head over it all and trying to see all the angles and figure out all the end outcomes and may even be afraid to do anything for fear that it’s the wrong thing. The kind of frustration that leaves me wanting to shake someone or something, or maybe even scream at times. It’s the kind of frustration that makes me cry and the kind I hate because it can make me feel mad about it all and that’s the last thing I want to feel. Yet at times I do feel mad because I am hurting and no one likes to hurt.

Learning to live a full life while stuck in this state of waiting is almost harder than the waiting itself. No matter what I do, no matter how much joy I may find in the tasks and opportunities I encounter, there is always something overshadowing those things. Something just isn’t right. No matter how hard I try to live like that is not the case, the truth of the matter is there is something out of sorts. It is hard to live with that. It is even harder when you can’t do anything about it…except trust and pray and wait. I know prayer is powerful. I know God is bigger than all of this and is here in the waiting with me. I know He is working in the circumstances and doing whatever needs to be done. I know all of that. It should make the waiting a breeze…just resting in the fact that He is in control. And maybe it is making it a breeze – only He knows just how I would be fairing if I didn’t trust Him through all this. But right now this isn’t feeling breezy. Like I said, it feels like I am trudging up a never ending mountain. It hurts. It makes me cry. It leaves me feeling lonely and sad.

I have been sad for a long while now but it’s only been more recently that I have been really struggling with the waiting. I’m tired. My energy is depleted. I just want to be done this climb. I want to go to bed tonight, wake up tomorrow, step around the bend in the path and finally see the top of the mountain, and know that it is near! I long for something, anything, to give me that burst of energy needed to get to the end. I want to finish this well…I don’t want to finish this half-dead and passing out. I want to come to the end of the path with a smile on my face and energy in my step because I want to be able to rejoice and celebrate. I want to be able to, if possible, enjoy the last bit of this journey. But I’m slogging. And the wait is becoming a burden that is bowing me over at times.

Be patient. Wait patiently. Trust God and wait. I know. All good, even great!, admonitions. I am trusting God but it’s getting harder and harder to wait patiently…especially when I have no clue what it is I am even waiting for anymore. And maybe, just maybe, that’s the hardest part of all…not knowing what exactly I am waiting for, just knowing that I am required to do so. God, I really hope the end is near…and please, give me the spirit of patience that I need to keep on through this. It seems to be lacking in me.

Have you ever been put in a place of waiting, the kind of waiting that is hard? How did you cope? What words of encouragement did God give you either through his word or others?

Honey…I’m HOME…! July 1, 2011

It’s official. We’re moved in to the new house. I am now a country dweller. I know will have to contend with dirt, mice, frogs, garter snakes (do NOT want to think about THAT!), power outages that mean no functioning plumbing, well water, wild animals (NO…NOT my children!), and a myriad of other things I haven’t even considered. But it feels right.

 

Actually, I don’t really know how I feel about it right now. I am sitting here in bed, in my new room, a room that is as big as my living room was in the old house, feeling utterly exhausted. So exhausted I feel sick to my stomach. Yes, I should be turning out the lights and going to sleep, and I will, but I needed to write. Pathetically I am too tired to write in my journal – that just seems like too much work. So here I am. Rather than sharing my thoughts just with God, I thought I’d let you in on the conversation as well.

 

I’m tired and I am overwhelmed. There is so much unpacking to do (already making headway into that…started on the kitchen). However, it’s not the unpacking and home-finding that is overwhelming me but rather the abundance of space. As I was putting things away in my cupboards I found myself almost frustrated by the abundance of them – what am I going to do with all that space? I don’t even have stuff to fill it all. My furniture looks tiny in the main room. Once everything is unpacked and placed, there are still vast spaces that I don’t even know what I am going to do with.

 

Yes. I am tired and overwhelmed. As I sit here in my room, looking around me, I am overwhelmed by space. As I was getting my bed ready for me to sleep in it (note to self: next move pack sheets and bedding separate in a MARKED bag or box so that this process is simple and quick and easy!), I realized that it looks tiny in this space. It’s a queen-sized bed. It’s not THAT small. Yet it is small. As I looked around the room, I realized I have room for a plant (promptly brought one of my lovely Ficus into the room) and a cozy chair or two with a small table to sit in and enjoy my morning coffee or an evening tea (don’t have aforementioned chair or table yet…will have to see what I can find). I am in awe of the amount of closet space – I don’t even have clothes to fill all of 1 let alone the 2^nd one! I just can’t believe the space.

 

Yes, I am tired and overwhelmed. However there is a greater feeling that comes over me as I sit here in my bed, looking around my room, thinking about the rest of the house. I am really lonely tonight. This isn’t a feeling I experience very often. My life is generally busy and full and I am quite happy and content with my state of being. However, tonight as I contemplate the empty spaces here in this home, I am lonely. The home we just vacated, my kids & I, was a home that was well suited to a small family that consisted of a mom and two kids. There was absolutely no room in that home for another person. It was small and cozy and just right for a single mom & her kids. And I was okay with that. It felt okay to have no room for anyone else in that home (visitors were welcome, please don’t stay though). This home is different.

 

This home is not made to house just a mom and her two kids. It is a home that is designed to house a family. I didn’t have room in my home, possibly therefore my heart and life, for anyone other than the three of us and now I am overwhelmed by the empty space that seems to be a reflection of my heart. It’s as if the home is a tangible picture of space in my heart and life for more than just us. I want to see the empty closet next to mine filled with another’s things. I want to see the empty bedside table across the way from mine covered with another’s little things. I want to see toys belonging to small children strewn across the living room floor. I want to see others sitting around the table with us at each meal. I want to hear voices and laughter and conversation as one can only hear when there are others living together, friends coming together.

 

God has been so incredibly faithful through the last few years, even when I haven’t been, and as lonely as I may feel right now, there is comfort in knowing that He KNOWS. He knows the desires of my heart….He put them there! He knows that there is empty spaces that want to be filled and He’s taking care to do that. There is also comfort in knowing that He is a God who also delivers on His promises. God gave me a few promises in the last little while and already He is fulfilling them. This home is one of those promises fulfilled – “Then they will be able to camp safely in the wildest places and sleep in the woods without fear” (Ezekiel 34:25, NLT). If you could see outside my window right now you’d see a bit of a yard but then nothing but trees, a wood and a forest. It is black as black can be, as it can only be when in the country on a very cloudy night, without even the stars to provide light. And I am without fear. I know I am safe here. Not just literally but figuratively. God is such an amazing God.

 

Yes, I am tired and overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by how God is blessing my little family in so many ways. Overwhelmed by the knowledge that God knows my loneliness, He hears my heart’s cry and He REALLY DOES CARE…and is working RIGHT NOW to alleviate and satisfy the longings and desires that HE HAS PUT IN MY HEART. And so I am lonely but with a great sense of peace, of rightness, of comfort; thankful that even when I FEEL alone, I really am NEVER ALONE…as He is always right here with me.

 

Thank you God for this home you have provided for us, for the space it gives us and all the wonderful things that come with living in the country surrounded by your creation. Thank you for giving us a space that is just crying out to be filled with loved ones. Thank you for always remaining faithful to your promises even when I am not. Thank you for working, even now, on those promises yet to be fulfilled. You are an amazing God with perfect timing and perfect provisions and I love you.

Trust & Obey June 28, 2011

Ever have one of those days when you are hurting and you are convinced it’s all because of what others around you have done?

 

If you answered no, you can stop reading now as this post won’t apply or make sense to you. J If you answered yes, then you know probably only too well the pain I am about to talk about. However, you may be surprised at the direction I go with this.

 

I had a day today that could only be described as REALLY REALLY CRAPPY. Actually the last few days have been rather hard for me. I’ve been dealing with some stuff, a specific situation actually, that has put me into a place I don’t know if I have ever been in. It’s uncomfortable. It’s unknown. It’s not appearing to be right. It’s hard and it’s painful. It has involved hurt feelings and loneliness and at times doubt, fear, and lack of confidence. I am at a loss as to what to do, how to change it. At times I have felt impatient and frustrated and even angry. Today I was all of those things – impatient, frustrated, angry. And I have to confess that I didn’t really deal with that as well as I should have or could have. I kinda had a really big fit. Okay, there was no kinda to it. I was heated and I let it be known that I was not happy and I thought everything going on was pure crap and that all the pain I was feeling was because of the actions and decisions of others. And it wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right and I was so done.

 

Well guess what? All that pain and frustration and heartache I was feeling in the last few days, building and culminating today, wasn’t about the actions of others towards me but was really about my willingness to trust and obey God. He has shown me in more ways than one in the last few months that He IS in control, He knows my heart and He IS working to bring the best things possible to me, for my life. The only thing He’s really asked me to do is trust Him and obey Him. That’s it. But it’s to do so not out of a sense of duty or out of guilt but with willingness, with joy. There is no greater reward than to live a life of obedience. Blessings, or happiness, come to those who obey without hesitation, without question and without concern for what others may, or may not, be doing.

 

The last few days I have been trying to figure things out, to understand and know what He is doing. I have been frustrated by how others have been handling things and have done things that have caused me pain. I have been getting more and more frustrated and angry because nothing is working out the way I thought it should. Nothing is happening like I thought it would. I have been miserable and have felt my heart breaking all over again. I have felt lonely. I have felt like giving up and walking away from all the good things that there are in my life and starting all over again – running away really. But that wouldn’t change what is being asked of me….Trust and Obey.

 

So what does this all mean? It means that once again I have to confess and ask God to change my heart. Thankfully He’s just waiting for me to kneel before Him and say with humble heart “I trust you, God, and Your ways are far better than my own. I want to trust you and obey you. Change my heart. I cannot do this without your help. I have tried and failed, once again, and for that I am sorry.” Doing this results in peace and calm and freedom. Have others hurt me? Yes. Have others handled things poorly and do they continue to handle them poorly? Yes. Is it up to me to change them and how they are handling the situation? No. Is it up to me to convince them to do things differently? No. It’s all God’s responsibility. My only responsibility is to obey Him. To trust Him. To let go and let Him. I am responsible to make sure I am responding and acting in a way that reflects God’s work in my life.

 

It’s easy, when we are busy with our lives and with the things that concern us, to forget that He’s in control. It’s especially easy to forget that when we are praying and seeking God in a situation and see no evidence that He is moving and working in the situation. Sometimes what we think is the way He should and will move isn’t the way He’s doing things. It’s in these moments that we have a choice to make. People say “I’ll believe it when I see it” and that’s not necessarily a bad thing but when it comes to faith, to trusting in God, believing often comes before seeing. Trusting in God means trusting even when we can’t see evidence of Him. Which way do you choose to go when God’s asking you to trust and obey and you can’t see him doing anything? Have you ever been in a situation where you’re hurting and thinking it’s because of one thing only to realize later that it was because you weren’t obeying and trusting Him? Have you seen the benefits and blessings that come with that?

I’ll Figure It Out June 26, 2011

“I’ll figure it out” were the words I spoke to my daughter less than 15 minutes ago and I have no idea how I am going to figure things out.

 

We are facing a crisis of self-image in our house tonight.

 

My daughter is 11. Unfortunately, she looks like she’s 15 or 16. She is tall for her age, well-developed. She was one of those unlucky girls who grew into her womanly body long before her brain is ready for it…and even longer before her friends have started growing into theirs. This has resulted in her friends still having their skinny little girl bodies when she has her well developed almost-woman body. And now she feels fat. And tomorrow she’s supposed to be going to the local park for the day with her class to play games and run around in the water park. And she doesn’t want to. Because it means wearing a swimsuit and showing everyone how fat she is. Yet she also doesn’t want to miss the 3^rd last day of school. So “What do I do mom?”

 

I AM AT A LOSS. I don’t know what to do. As she sat next to me on the couch, tears in her eyes and a look of complete trust and expectation in her face, she asked me “What do I do? Please, tell me what to do.” And I have no answer for her. I couldn’t answer her with anything other than “I don’t know but I’ll figure it out.”

 

Her questions went further than that. Questions as to why she has developed faster and sooner than her friends. Why she can’t be built skinny like others. Why she can’t make herself skinny. Questions that break my heart to hear and yet scare me to no end. And I have no idea what to say, what to do, how to help her.

 

I know that she is not the only girl out there asking these questions, shedding these tears. I know that girls around the world are struggling with this very issue right now. And there are parents all around the world who are doing their best to try and raise these girls who are saying “I’ll figure it out” to their girls and are just as lost as I am.

 

So why are we dealing with this issue? Why is it that “God made you that way” isn’t a good enough answer? As a mom have I contributed to this issue in my daughter’s life? How do I even begin to help my daughter believe in her heart the truth of who she is and how special and beautiful she is? What can we do to make these days easier for my daughter, for the daughters of all those other parents out there dealing with this? How do we deliver on our promise to figure it out?

 

Sometimes this parenting thing, especially as a single parent, is really really hard.

HORROR MOVIES IN OUR OWN BACKYARDS June 22, 2011

I need to warn you.

I am writing this feeling very angry. And I hope by the time I am done you are angry too…angry and ready to do something about it.

But first, check out this news story: BLINDED BC STUDENT

***************************************************************************************

Okay. Are you as angry as I am reading that story? No?? Hm. Well maybe you missed what I saw.

“It’s like you’re watching a horror movie, that’s what was going on in my mind,” said friend Saif Islam in Vancouver after watching CBC News television report on Manzur. “How can that happen in this century?”

Let me tell you why this angers me.

I am angry at the surprise that this still happens….when it happens EVERY SINGLE DAY all around us. Yes, you read that right. While this incident has received news coverage and raised awareness, the reality is that for every story that receives this kind of attention there are many more that no one ever hears about. ABUSE LIKE THIS HAPPENS EVERY DAY ON YOUR BLOCK. Yes, that’s right. On your block. Go look outside right now. Look at the houses on either side of you, across the street from you, down the street (if you live in an apartment building or a townhouse complex, you can look at your complex). In at least one house on your block right now is a woman living in fear. There is a woman who has a spouse who is showing the world one thing and at home is tormenting and torturing her. That woman could be your mother, sister, daughter, friend.  If she is not yours, she is someone’s.

There is another reason this statement (and story) makes me angry. This was a physical manifestation of abuse. In all likelihood this woman has suffered mental and emotional abuse at the hands of her spouse for a long time. This was likely NOT the first time he laid his hands on her. However as horrid as the physical abuse and attack is, that is NOTHING in comparison to the horror that a woman endures when the abuse takes on other forms – mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, cultural…to name a few – it’s the silent, hidden abuse that is far worse than the physical. The other forms of abuse may not leave marks on the body but they can and usually do cause irreparable damage to the soul.

So why does the statement above make me so angry? Because it expresses surprise at something that is very prevalent in our world no matter where you go or who you are and we’re just not wanting to see it (most times) or are naively oblivious to it.

There is another statement that makes my blood boil:

“…Manzur’s husband’s claims that she was having an affair, sparking the assault.”

I can’t tell you how angry this makes me. The idea that HE was incited to such violence because of her behaviour is just ridiculous beyond description. I don’t care what a person has done, how horribly hurtful it might be, NO ONE deserves to be beaten. For that matter, no one deserves to endure ANY form of abuse. While I can understand the anger and hurt that one would feel upon discovering the affair of a spouse, that does not give the wronged spouse grounds for retaliation. The thing that most people don’t understand is that this is the same excuse used to justify ALL types of abuse and while some “reasons” may appear understandable, most times the abuse handed out is far in excess of the alleged “crime” that led to it. Having said that, no abuse is ever in keeping with the “crime” that incited it….EVER.

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So what can we do about it? Well we can stop kidding ourselves into thinking that this stuff just doesn’t happen where we live anymore. We can stop kidding ourselves that this only happens in certain “classes” of people – no matter how educated or how rich you might be or not be, that does not determine if you will suffer abuse or not. We need to stop turning a blind eye when we suspect that things might not be as they should be. We need to educate ourselves about abuse and what it can look like, the forms it can take, what to do if we suspect it, how to react if someone speaks about it to us. We need to believe a person when they say there is abuse happening – yes there are some who make it up for whatever reason but 99.9% of people who are claiming there is abuse going on are telling the truth and the telling of it has taken massive amounts of courage (by the way, the #’s are mine…not scientific…simply making a point). We need to get involved in our communities and in organizations that are there to support women in their journey to safety, healing and restoration. We need to stand up and say “I will not tolerate the mistreatment and abuse of anyone in any way. I will support and encourage and journey towards healing with anyone who has been abused and shares that with me. I will support and encourage and journey towards healing with anyone who has been the abuser and who is sharing that with me. I will not take the stand that it’s not my business if I suspect abuse. I will do whatever I have to in order to foster healthy and safe places for others who have none.”

It is no longer acceptable to be shocked by this. The only acceptable reaction is to do something about it.

Life is a Crazy Dance Move June 21, 2011

Following is from an email I receive daily from “The Brave Girls Club – A Little Birdie Told me Daily Truths” and I thought it worth sharing. It’s written to women but is applicable to everyone.

So often we get ideas in our heads as to how our life should look and who should be included in it. When things don’t work out like we think they should, we are often disappointed, disillusioned and, to use another “dis” word, discouraged. Rather than accepting that what we thought was the way it would be, we get frustrated by what is.

I can see if you are living life your own way how it could be frustrating, how you might not be truly happy, when things don’t go as you think they should. But if you are living your life with God at the center and seeking him for wisdom as you make choices and decisions, where your life is and how it ends up looking is just the way HE wants. He knows far better than us who and what is best for us. If we’re trusting in him, if we let go of our ideas of what is the “right” outcome, we can be assured that what does happen is just right.

I’m letting go of my ideas of what my life is going to look like and who it’s going to include and am learning to dance this crazy dance with God as my choreographer. It’s not always easy to do that. I have hopes and dreams and I’ll admit I have had pretty clear ideas who I want to be part of those. But I’m realizing that as long as I try to direct things and determine timelines and the “moves” of this dance called life, things never work out like they should and I end up frustrated and feeling like life isn’t what it should be. Yet my life is, right now, exactly as it should be because it is the life I have. I cannot make it anything different than it is RIGHT NOW and so I have a choice: let go of my ideas and embrace what God has given me OR go through life discontent and unhappy. If I choose to be discontent & unhappy I am basically telling God he messed up and that I know best and if he’d done as I felt was best things would be so much better. EEP!!! If I really felt that way I deserve to be struck by lightning! SO I’m learning to dance this crazy dance, embracing whomever and whatever God brings into my life.

And I AM happy! Really really happy! (and there will be another post coming about that in the days to come…)

Dear Perfectly Wonderful Girl:
If you want to be really happy — not just happy, but really really mind-blowingly happy, then practice dropping your attachment to a certain outcome or method of getting to where you are wanting to be.

Life is so funny, the way it twists and turns and curves and bends and bumps and shakes. Life is a wild and crazy dance move, isn’t it?

Things are going to happen in your life that you could never have even thought up for yourself. People are going to show up that you never dreamed of meeting or having in your life. You will end up in places that you never planned on being, at just the right time. You will learn things that will prepare you for the next thing in ways that you never would have known to learn them. And none of it will have been your idea!!

Be patient with the way that life is handling your plans. So often we think we know exactly the right way for things to transpire, when really something so much more efficient, solid, joyful, incredible, and perfect is what’s in the cards for us. Let life show you some new moves. It’s all about the dance anyway, isn’t it?

Rock on, brave sister! You are right where you belong, and you are SO LOVED.

In what way has your life ended up looking different than you imagined? Are you discontent with what is and frustrated or are you letting go of your ideas of what is ideal and embracing where God has brought you? If you’re not embracing it, what’s stopping you from doing that?